Of Grace and Sesame

2011-07-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

July 2011.

I am coming back to the blog. Cause i need to voice out whatever was in my heart. The very reason why i didnt want to continue blog in the first place is i thk i got so many things i want to say and i may just end up wasting time doing useless thing. but time has proved me wrong. i need an outlet to express- especially when i dont have people around that i can voice out / vent out frustration/ cry. It has became so unhealthy that i am scared i will either bottle up til explode or i will lose the ability to communicate to people around me. So many a time now when i am on the phone, or talk about heart matter, i dont know where to begin. i just cry and cry and then ..pick myself up and said i am ok when actually i am not. well, what can i say? i dont want people to worry. and i dont know how to express myself. those that hear me cry will say it is ok, u think too much. wel, i know that and i have been trying to limit myself from thinking. until i found myself reducing to just an empty shell, drifting most of time through life. Things have been repeating itself like this for months, till at the end i just dreaded heart talk/ talk about my life. i will often steer the conversation to another topic . just please dont let it be about me.

And the problem just got worse. Because all i need is a patient listening ear, one that is non-judgemental. It is really tiring and my soul is near desperation . But one consolation from all these is God still remain faithful because He allow me to cling on Him when i absolutely find no ounce of strength / purpose to carry it on anymore. He is the one sustaining me day by day: smiling or doing my job when all i wanted to do is cry and lay in bed and waste my life away. It is really difficult.

So if u happen to read this, please spare me a prayer - for help in guidance, encouragement and direction in my life

pieces of me

2009-11-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

been months and months not updating this blog.

main reason being i dont have much courage to face up to the fact that a period of events i wrote about is now in the past. it hurts so deeply to see how my world can change so dramatically in just a matter of months. and strangely the world around me seems to go on as usual and in a very normal way. in other words, i felt strangely left behind..and alone.

going home has been a tough learning experience for me: feels so much that i am like the Isrealites wandering around in desert after being rescued out from Egypt. tough living conditions. but in the midst of all this, i dont want to be like them. i want to appreciate in the midst of all these, God paradoxically is closer, esp when one is broken. however, being a creature that have a tendency to walk by sight rather than by faith, i found myself stumbled in trying to find God during this time.

to me, the silence of God is hugely deafening in the past few months.

been thorugh a cycle of ups and downs, with most of the time in depression modes.frankly, i feel ashamed to even admit my negative feelings - afraid to talk, afraid to share for fear that i burden people when what i experienced is so trivial compared to the huge issues in the world, and also, every human being got their own burden to carry.

going home, i found myself having to restart all over again. financially- i am at the very rock bottom. social network- the number of friends i have close access to can count with fingers. spiritually - no fellowship near at hand unlike previously in uk, when i was enveloped in so much christian warmth daily. relationship wise- painfully, i still havent found that someone. career wise- no posting yet.

despite of that, i know i have to acknowledge that i am grieving, to face up to the fact that i am already in a different phase of life, in order to find God's healing and allow Him to rebuild my life virtually from scratch. In this matter, i think i have much to learn from a baby or a child - to still know how to smile at the end of day even though they have so much to learn on how to execute simple tasks such as walking, talking and playing.

Also, throughout all these,to remind myself that God's grace is very sufficient indeed. to accept that i may take a long time to pick and build myself up, but its all right because at least i try.

therefore, help me God to keep You in sight always. to be courageous and count it all joys to face up to trials and temptations. and in the process, be an inspiration to people around that God, You are always good. All the time.

Better than ell-lu-vi (LV)...

2009-04-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

IS a girl named LM!=P

I know of her when in 1st year pharmacy... as a girl that is very very VERY punctual!

but it wasnt till we live under the same roof in Wyeverne - the "slug" house, that i get to know her better. Funny enough, the three ppl living there had almost similar taste till we also got same style of pencil! Talk about real life examples of birds of the same kind flock together!

Our friendship grows day by day. Mind you, she got lots of unusual talents, like..killing flies with a sling, and playing online games. haha. she is also my favourite slug-buster!!*yeah heroin, gogo*

Since becoming housemates, whenever there were events or places to go, we almost always went together

Be it to London, or to faraway countries like Portugal and Prague (and Malaysia?=D)

And ohya, got to mention the one and only St Davids Day fun we had.. not bad not bad. after living 4 years here, at least we went once o_+

Dont see her quiet quiet like that, but she got lots of influential power eh.. like teaching me chor tai ti till pro, so pro till i like lab works because my fingers became more and more agile! =P

See what i mean?! She notty ho?

She makes me such a card addict! ohno...Think Darren can testify to that. Everytime he walked into the living room, we always "cun cun" playing cards, and somemore these happens during our preparation for exam-the time when we were supposed to be busy. kakaka. Ok ok, dont get me wrong, we also got study ok?!

There are lots of crazy things we did together too, like singing random songs while walking on the street, esp those children songs we often heard while still young, like there is nobody else in the world or we own the street. Embarassing for other ppl around us i know, haha..but i like the "spontaneous-ness"(is there such a word? lol) and who cares, so long as it makes us happy singing that songs. AND we make the world a happy place, weee!!

Other crazy things we did was...
*.tadaaaaaaa.*

Bake cake at night!

Ok, i know this photo did not show us in our best form.. me in my "scottish" (quote Hellier) pyjamas, but i likey! cause it captured our truest self, and precious moment we spent together. Heeehee, you know we even had a record of baking three cakes in a row IN a single night! Poor Jacky had to taste our "amateur" cake (or should i say lucky?!)

*our first banana cake*

And she is my food tasting and coffee kaki..erm, no no. think should call her cafe kaki to be more precise, since she is so anti-coffee. hehe.

*i like the top photo: no, please dont look at the coffee, look at the background. LM's signature style. lol -what ever makes you happy-

We tasted so many different breakfast out there that i think discovery channel/lonely planet should seriously consider hiring us for food review.

oops, its upside down. never mind, u get the idea.^_^

We like to pan leng leng and play dressing up too. haha. which girls doesn't?

Taken when deciding what to wear for FOD 2009. LM wearing her 1st baju Melayu..hard to believe she is from kelantan, right? =.=

However, in the end, we choose these to wear:~

To be true chinese! (okok, in my case, half then. haha)

Thanks to her too, i get to know lots and lots of lovely friends that i will otherwise not know.

These bunch of people are so real, true and kind. A case in point is like cooking us delicious dishes like this!

*Yum yum. har mee!! tell me how to find in UK! VERY difficult lo..*

Its really amazing how fate makes us meet. In malaysia last time, we studied in the same college, living in the same block of apartment, did almost the same kind of activities..but we never met till in UK!(well, apart from she catching a glimpse of me during interview that is. hahha. i dont know how she remembered seriously, seeing that erm...she doesnt remember faces well?=p this means i must be unique la..=P)

Anyway, regardless of how we met, one thing is for sure:the memories of the time we spend, be they good, bad, happy or sad...they will always stay in my heart. I got lots of things i need to jot down here, but words remains words. They can be used to accomplish much but not everything.

The same goes for photos as well

Happpie belated birthday Lee Lay Ming! a.k.a my single-mama that papa always taken for granted.=p(sorry for the delay dear, but better late than never right?=D)

~Wish you all the best in growing!~

(this post was originally written on 19/4. So ya, technically speaking, i set an amazing record in delayed publification !o_O)

lalalalalalalalala=)

2009-04-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

These days, it seems i am on this roller coaster ride...FYP had a lot to do with it. Sometime, i wondered why there are so many obstacles along the way. But i guess, these tough experiences would make me treasure the outcome more, no matter good or bad.

Shared my testimonies last night, the second one since the start of the new year. One to the youth and another unexpectedly to my beloved english SF. I got to say painful experiences are hard to let go...u let go but they can come back again to haunt you at unexpected time. However, i know i have said these thousands of time, but i am glad in my life journey, i never go alone. And so good, i am being made new daily! Thats why if there ever was doraemon (eh, i wished there is actually, cause i want to feel how bottomless is his belly pocket! lol), time machine etc etc, i will still choose the path i walked before. As there were also lots of wonderful memories that went with them. Eg, eating the food u planted yourself...oooh, sweet! haha. thank you God.muah.

Love, as i grow older..becomes more and more complex. It makes you cry, angry,agitated but it also makes you smile. To be precise, it is mysterious, like God. Haha, mysterious but so warm, so close and surprisingly very simple actually. Just some reflections i did during morning devotion.

Lol..."emo" post? well, got to strike a balance in between writing my very "intellectual" report.

Will update one interesting post soon. Stay tune. kakaka

Mighty rock

2009-04-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

Oh! sometimes the shadows are deep,
And rough seems the path to the goal,
And sorrows, sometimes how they sweep
Like tempests down over the soul.

And then to the Rock let me fly
To the Rock that is higher than I
O then to the Rock let me fly
To the Rock that is higher than I!

Oh! sometimes how long seems the day,
And sometimes how weary my feet!
But toiling in life’s dusty way,
The Rock’s blessèd shadow, how sweet!

And then to the Rock let me fly
To the Rock that is higher than I
O then to the Rock let me fly
To the Rock that is higher than I!

A song shared by one of my friend -which happen to speak to me as well

Somewhere over the rainbow.

2009-03-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today i dont know should i cry or should i laugh...

Went into the lab as usual. Other ppl got holiday, never mind..i am in my final year, so it follows that i need to do more; the ears were so scarred and ugly, never mind.. not my first time encountering this situation; the epidermis section were so lousy and the stench were unbearable, never mind.. you cant always ask for perfect skin and pig, which pig doesnt stink, right?? But but........not when they got fleas!o.O........=S......=.=

I freaked out when i saw one, and thought that was THE one and only. But, no...after a while, i felt somethg moving on my head. Got LM to check, and my worst fear come true. Big big flea. Ok, calmed down, at least it is big so can detect easily. Yet, after a while, on close inspection on the pig skin i held, so many of the disgusting creatures, very minute that i mistaken them for dirt! Got agitated by then, and thank God i realized this at the very end of my work. and God protected me, i dont have them swarming over to me.

Ok, on hindsight, it is not that bad. At least, for doing this work i HAD BEEN doing once every week for more than a month now, this time i got PAID. Oooh, cold hard cash of 40 pounds! Havent got them, but i wont rest till i got them! hahaha*evil laugh* ... and yours truly believe a priceless fruit is growing within her. AND ohya, please, she is also very clean now ok?!=P (directed to certain ppls)

Btw, looking at this kid cheer me up:

So geng right?*clap clap*

My true self???

2009-03-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

Saw this personality test a couple of weeks ago when my friend tagged me on FB. Didnt appeal to me much initially since there are tons of tests out there that we dont even know who designed it... So why waste time? But then i saw gong gong described the test consisted of something like ".....walking down some paths". Wow, i thought....could be just the thing i need to destress my mind and hey i always like imagining myself walking somewhere. So this got to be a test made for me! Lol.

And after less than 10 mins, THIS is the result. Hmm, not sure whether i should take all the advices on board.

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Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them. ~Hmm, this is not the first time i heard this. I very mysterious meh?! i think myself too simple a girl. Maybe its because i dont find myself having interesting facts to share with others?~

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. ~i guess this is true to a large extent. I am scared of failures, getting hurt and being vulnerable, hence my cautiouness in relationship. And i am not a person that let go very easily , so once i am in, i need to be sure its the right one. Sigh, i wish i dont think that much! but never mind i have God, who is the best matchmaker in the world! heehee.. And what? more open minded? Hey, how am i supposed to know someone is hiding their charm? fooh! so diffcult. You tell me test.. how much "open" is open-minded?

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. ~to the 2nd part, i do hope so~

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. ~amen!=D~

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. ~THIS sounds so much like my grandparents. lol~

How do you view success

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. ~Yes, man! How else should i think?o_O~

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. ~very true indeed. But over the years, i have learn to let go of myself slowly. And i am glad to say though the notion of losing control is still scary, things that i cant control so far are actually among the BEST experiences i ever had! How paradow human fears can be~

Who is your true self

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. ~oooh, i thought i always follow my feelings more than head..no??!=.= confusion confusion~

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*This test helps me to learn a thing or two about myself, but it also reveals a million things more that i dont understand about myself! haha. Hence, my advice: dont take the test unless you are very curious and kepo like me!!=P*

Amazed

2009-03-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

Today at last, i manage to catch a few breaths, sitting down , doing things other than labworks.
And somehow, i felt i need to listen to some songs to unwind. These days had been tough for weak weak me.

And i remember this song: Amazed by desperation band

Simple but lovely song. Its my favourite back in college..and now listening back, it touches me: it touches me to know there is a God that remains unchanged through time even though we change with time, be it big or small. No wonder the Bible placed so much importance in asking us to remember. Especially on His many characters that stood the test of time. A tool that keeps us achored and stand firm in the environment whixh often we could not control.

Now and then, there is this thought that comes to my mind when i faced difficulties or feel i cant walk anymore - on asking why cant God stop being so nice to me, so i can get what i want. Why must He be so good that He only meet my needs and not all my wants. After all, its the wants that we human often placed too much importance on, eg money, stable relationship and easy going life. But, fortunately, i am still glad God have the foresight we lack, tough as life throws at us. He meets all needs, but not all wants.

Ok, maybe i am talking nonsense that doesnt makes sense.=p But it doesnt matter, as long as at you get the message that God is good=)

Saturday blues

2009-03-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

"Lalalalala.. raindrops falling on my head." Outside it was raining..not an exactly cheerful picture to be in right? And worse thing is i am stuck here in the lab, on a Saturday, even though i have and will continue to spend my days and nights in this place for the rest of the week days.

Not that i love to complain, on the contrary I am so tired of it actually. I had reached a stage whereby i didnt know how to voice my troubles anymore. I psyched myself to feel happy each time i woke up, but then the cycles auto repeat itself during the day. In all, i just felt it not worthwhile.. after spending 3 and 1/2 years in my pharmacy course getting great results after lots of hard works, and now nearing the finishing line, my classification is detemined by lots of factors outside my control. Ya, i admit i have got a high ambition, but really, i dont mind getting just sufficient if my results had been not good all along.. but just not screw up at this end point.

Anyway, these days, i felt really thankful by lots of patient and lovely souls out there. Without them, i didnt know how i would be now. Talking about them, i remembered one wise sentence i would always keep in my heart from one of my friend.

Below are the context of the quote. Wont mention who is that but it cracks me up everytime i remember=) like now. ..Amazing, how human can brighten another one's life, right?

Scene: on ironing trousers
Me: Do u want any iron, i can lend to you if you want.
Anonymous: oh no no no., i dont need iron........i shall just use my body heat.
Me: o_O
Anonymous: And i could condition them as well...using my body oil.
Me:=_=

Wow, talk about eco-friendly to the max!=p

All things silver...

2009-02-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

Every cloud has a silver lining...

Yes, Gillian, you got to believe that. Even though the stupid project leads to nowhere, even though the supervisor dont understand and no help at most time, even though you are working on a very very toxic drug which you have probably accidentally inhale and touch a number of times without realizing now. Yes, even though you have always got lousy pig skins, with no certainty of starting the REAL experiments yet though you always stay the whole day in the lab with the deadline drawing near. Yes, that also includes no time for your own, doing other important things too many to number here.

So, yours truly is not going to complain here further. Instead, let me share with you a touching story i heard last sunday if you havent heard. To inspire others as well as to help me look at the right place.

I called it...tadaa...:

The Silversmith Story

(haha, oops, not very creative i know but content more important right?=p)

Malachi 3:3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness.

Once, there was this lady who heard that God is just like a refiner and purifier, but did not understand much. So, what better way to gain insight into this than to visit the silversmith? Therefore, off she went to visit the local silversmith.

Without telling the silversmith the purpose of her visit, she interviewed the guy. "Could you explain to me how do you purify the silver in your hand?" In a simplify version, the silversmith replied, "well, one important condition is that you have to put the silver into the hottest part of the fire, for it to be refined."

"Oh, so while doing all this, what do you actually need to do. I mean do you need to be there all the time?" probed the lady further.

"Yup, i need to be there all the time during the refining and purifying process..to keep watch over it closely. Because you see, the silver cant be underheated. Nor can it be overheated, or else the silver would have gone without hope of recovering. But if not heated enough, the silver wont be perfect."

Feeling intrigued by now, the lady asked one last question. "So, how can you be sure that the silver purification is complete and to stop the process at the exact time?"

"Well, that is VERY easy. The moment i can see my reflection on the silver, i know it is done."

Simple story i think but with profound impact. How often a time we think we are all alone in our struggles, feeling maybe like the silver in the hot fire, with no way out. But it is so humbling to know actually in the midst of all these, there is a God who keep watch so closely. The timing in His hand is always perfect - not a moment too early, and never ever late.

Happy pancake day everyone!=D

Events of the past weeks - part 3

2009-02-19T04:26:00.000-08:00

NUMBER 3: Valentine's Day 2009

I often wonder how this day came about. Who is this St valentine that sends the world crazy - shops capitalising on this occasion, radios blasting romantic love music non-stop and images of love eg: balloons almost at every corner you turned?

So to satisfy my curiosity, i went on a mission during my lab session (oops, of course i also did my research at the same time..haha. this is called multitask =p ). The fruit of my labour is summarised as this - The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. haha. How nice it would be if last time whilst in secondary school, my history book is like this.

Though not certain, there are three people recognised as St V by the catholic church in history. One legend is about this priest who married off lovers despite being forbidden by the roman king who issued decree during war time that young men should not marry - apparently for the reason that men will be stronger warriors if unmarried. Noble as it seems, he was eventually executed due to this. Owwh, poor guy but at least he was a hero!

Another legend is about this guy who set christians free from the horrible situations in jail. This guy apparently fell in love with the jailer's daughter, and before his death, wrote the first love letter signing off as "from your valentine", which of course is a famous phrase now.

When it comes to valentine, being single, it is just like any other day for me. But i had to admit i regarded it with more dread as the years pass by. Probably very few people in the same boat who can identify with me and understand without judging, that there is a feeling of sadness that i could not even describe. Well, i am only human i guess...

But, reflecting back to this day, i am thankful for the cheerful moments that God brought along on this day to keep the blueness of my day from turning a darker shade. First of all, i would like to especially thanks eunice here for being there. You just proved that words dont have to be many, just the thoughts and hearts that counts. You open my eyes to realize it can also be a day to remember and to celebrate the love we have with the people around us. Thank you again;)

That day, the 60 colum girls also managed to have a girls' night out. Finally after so many months of living under the same roof! haha.

Yeah, 60 Colum girls!

I like this photo: one reason because it shows increasing eyes size from left to right. haha. Tlo commented i was not in photography mood, but hey, big eyes mom + small eyes dad = middle eyes me!!=p the right family portrait!

Hmm, asians are not asians unless we put on some FOOD photos to salivate on, right?!

oOOoo, Sashimi and spider maki. Just love the japanese food: they are generally healthy but delicious! Itadakimasu

Haha, so sweet and funny, but eunice and i were like =.=". lol. Guess where did the flower comes from?! (clues: scroll up!)

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Apart from dinner, the one occasion that made my day or rather weekend is dear Vien vien which came all the way from Notts. Havent seen her in years and busyness in life makes our conversations far in between since we left college. But, time, as cruel as it is sometimes, will never ever change a true friendship.

Awww, dearie vien vien that inspires me a lot=) HeeHee, sorry no other photos at this moment so hence putting up this blurrie one.

That night, i had a mini taylorian reunion at home. It felt like the good old days when we had time to chill up together in college. We talked and talked until pass midnight, about anything and everything under the sky. Tired as i was and cold as the night was, there was a warmth among us as we catch up on time pass since we all last met. Hmm, made me wonder when can i had that privilege again?;)

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NUMBER 4: My Master Mission Impossible

Guess what is THIS?:

Its PIGGIES' EARS! Okok, these were not as gross as what i got for mine this week..

Now, presenting.........

eeEEEWWW, look! They are so BLACK and very hairy! See, even bigger than my face somemore! The hairs bit makes me so "geli" - with colour ranging from ginger, brown to black. Believe me, i had shaved them a couple of times, but the skins i got looks more like black porcupine than pink skin resembles human. After excising the skin, there are lots of tiny weeny marks on my labcoat! Dirty dirty *shakes head*. The worst thing is after the ordeal that last hours, none of the skin is usable =.=

Never mind, at least i achieve one thing: my fruit of patience is growing. lol

Ok, now guess WHO is this???

He is the one who keeps us in the lab! Haha, LM has a part time job of being a paparazzi! Our supervisor can be described as a blind leading two young blind fellows behind in his projects. But, one thing great, at least he is funny!=p

Events of the past weeks - part 2

2009-02-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

I know i said i want to kill lots and lots of birds in my last post about what happen during the past few weeks. But, unfortunately i was not in the best hunter mood.. so now, i shall pick up from where i left.=)

NUMBER 2: snow in Cardiff. 2/2/2009

Woohoo, snow snow snow..I think i should count myself really blessed.

I could still recall some of my english housemates comments during my first year, "whoa, you really wish for snow don't you? Ok, will pray and wait with you." then " Gillian! You are so lucky, you know this is your first year and you get to see it. Its not every year you get to see snow, you know."

And now looking back, the Lord had been good to me and let me see snow for a continuous 4 years here in UK. Though not every year was heavy, but, hey they are still SNOW! Snow that i dont get back in malaysia and can only be seen in drama like winter sonata. So VERY the precious u know..lol..

Anyway, after much dissapointments after a series of cold snaps in UK this year, the snow finally paid Cardiff a visit on 2nd of FEB. Can still remember how excited i was. If not for my tiredness that night due to lab works, i would have went out and played. Instead, i just took shower and put on my most comfy pyjamas, then sat in front of the window and watched the snowy scene outside. At the same time, i remembered calling home and said, "mommy and daddy, i am so happy now..*giggles*..because it snows outside!" Lol. I think my parents must have shaken their head and thought "this girl still havent grown up!" haha

colum road

However, still wishing to go and play with snow, i managed that night to arrange a "date" with several people in the morning. But, unfortunately one look outside in the morning, the snow already looked kind of melted! Dissapointed, i reluctantly got back to bed, wide awake.

But later all thanks to Kenneth who called "Gillian! Hey, bute park very beautiful you know, still very white and got lots and lots of snow! Come and join us!" And thats when i decided to wake up LM and TLO and got ready to go and have fun. Frankly i felt tired then but excitement got the better of me.=)

The 3 pharmies were all ready in their winter gears.. Look at TLo, love her "innocent just woke up look" with pink stuffs to BITS! And the background of sunrise is so beautiful! Tell me how often can we went OUT and took photos at 8AM?!=D

On the way to bute park, LM and i kept forgetting our destination and played!

Look closely at the tree. The one tree that was still green among all the 'botak' tree. ~salute~

Cute dog with coat. so obedient somemore, when the master said stop from afar, he just stopped there without moving. Kind of reminds me to be like that with God^-^

*Awwwww*

Events of the past weeks.

2009-02-16T02:23:00.000-08:00

Been so busy lately, that i havent blogged here for weeks, even though i know i have promised to blog about CNY before chap goh meh. But its better late than never right?

Well, i will try making this less wordy since i intend to summarise a few events that happen lately in this post alone. If i dont, dunno when i am free to blog about them, so am killing lots and lots of birds now with one stone=p

NUMBER 1: Chinese new year. 2009

Its moomoo year finally! It all started when i mentioned to both LM and Eunice that i want a proper chinese dinner in restaurants spend with friends, seeing i never had one be4 in UK and this is cny would be my last chance of having one! Then, lovely eunice, being ever so resourceful, suggest here:

Whoa, seriously, the food here is super duper delicious! Its buffet styled, but unlike most buffet here, that offers you substandard restaurant food, this one is different. You can order anything u want, including free flow dim sum and guess what, dessert! their mango pudding is simply..Yummy yummy=)

To illustrate how delicious it is, have a look yourself. Even though, i have to say, photos dont even do justice to the taste!

This is the gang of lovely people i went with. I like the first photo of looking at the menu, it seems we are having a serious meeting. That shows how difficult it is to decide what to order first.lol

But in the end, we manage to solve the problem.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~which is ~~~~~~~~~~~~

by ordering food like emperor/empress as we feel like!

Siao Long pau! Delicious and juicy inside!

Lobster! We were so excited to see it..(poor lobsters) Look at Connie, she was crazy till she forgot to look at camera! lol

Busy business going on...

Oops, sorry, just realized i dont have much food photos to salivate on!

If i have to choose, my personal favourites got to be the crispy duck pancake and siao long pau. Though i am also excited to eat the yam rolls and..ooya guess what? I learn to love the beef dishes there, which i strongly suspect is NOT beef at all. lol

its time to be like the python after a meal

Thanks future lawyers for spending CNY with me: Sheryl, it is so good to meet you after such a long time! and eunice..heehee, i will definitely miss spending cny with "twin" like you. You know what i mean!;)

And also everyone else: Lay Ming, TLo, Kenneth and Cutie, Lip Sing, Janet, Connie, and Jed.. the cny makan makan wont be as enjoyable without you.=)

Other CNY related events (with food of course!=)) are:

The steamboat of the English Section in church. Talking about which, i was asked to be in charge of this group, called "the winner". Just want to say u guys are great, though we are not the winner of the game, but hey, we have fun!

The CNY lunch buffet organised by Cardiff Malaysian Society at Cardiff Bay

~Fellow Sarawakians that i am thankful to bump into in far far away UK! (from left) Roselyn, Sandra, Xiu Mei and Connie. The 2nd photo feature Bumiputera models. lol

Last but not least, CNY lunch at Ichiban, made the more merrier by Lion Dance! Quoting Hui Ann,"Spot Me!" in the 1st photo. To be frank, i am still a bit scared by this fake lion.. i still cant watch one alone, have to hold on to somebody i know. So Cutie, you saved my day=p

Overall, i enjoyed the start of the ox year!

snow... do u see me waiting for you??=D

2009-02-01T14:03:00.001-08:00

Weather forecast for 2/2/09: Light snow.

Woohoo, its going to snow. Hopefully the weatherman is correct!!!

On a side note, havent been able to update my blog. Lots of things to write about, but either i am too lazy, busy or tired. Well, will get myself to update things about cny, hopefully before chap goh mei ends!

Gong Xi Fa Cai, i want ang pau!=D

2009-01-24T03:01:00.000-08:00

Happy happy Chinese new year everyone!

Ooh, wait wait..see who else is sending the greetings..

*Awwww, the cutie cutie ox baby!*

Cant believe it is the year of the ox already! The last time i celebrated it i was still in primary six, getting ready to sit for the then very important UPSR. haha.. time can indeed change your perspectives on life. Now, UPSR seem like cracking kacang only..lol

How i wished to be at home now.. but i am sure the celebration in UK is just as good! Really looking forward to it. Have a wonderful CNY season everyone, =) especially to my fellow MPharmers, doing research in a lab can be one interesting way to spend CNY=.=

frustration- please let me vent it

2009-01-22T08:30:00.001-08:00

I am so frustrated with myself. all because of the stupid OSCE=(

I have prepared. I have practiced. But nervousness like to be an uninvited guest, and to a person prone to having "blank mind" attack, it becomes a disaster.

Its weird talking to the "patient", and not knowing what to ask next because i am just nervous for NO reason. All the while realizing i SHOULD stop being nervous, START being composed but somehow just could not do it. The frustration increased more when i was assesed by lecturers who are strict, knowing that i could do better than this. Just not this time.. and tell them this is the one and exceptional case i did so bad. Ooh, how i wish to have a second chance. If time could be rewind.

However, for now, i dont want second chance, because that means resitting. I just want to pass and get done with it. ohya, time to move on..

my morning penny of thought

2009-01-21T22:59:00.000-08:00

I am due to have OSCE in a few hours time. And for me, the most important THING before any exam is SLEEP. Needless to explain, sleep is just so important for me to think clearly, for my brain to function. Contrary to common perception, i LOVE sleep. But lately, sleep keep eluding me. Or more accurately, i am VERY Good at waking up. I have a tendency to wake up at the same time no matter how late i sleep.. and i very seldom nap no matter how tired.

Sometimes, i think i would be better than rooster - in knowing when morning dawns.

Anyway, i intend to blog about this drama that i cant stop watching these few days. Its called Little Nyonya. highly recommended!=)

Generally, its a story about peranakan families that span 5 generations, about their culture, their lifestyles and more importantly, of individual lives that tell lessons we could all benefit.

The lady in white above played a double role of mother and daughter. Their fate is almost similar: born in a rich family as "siao jie", but their fate ironically makes them lowly servants in that house. However their strong-willed character brought them to survive day after day despite very unfair ill treatments. They held their head high with integrity when they looked down on. And they were still so kind despite being always taken advantage of. This, i salute and admire.

Havent finished watching the drama yet... Watching the drama, i could not help but feel thankful that i was born in this modern age. And not at a time when arranged marriages is in place, and women cant do as they please. Their life is like robots, with little real control over what they want. As a result, women fight against each other instead and life just get complicated.

I have a fondness for singaporean dramas, simply because i feel the stories are not too cheesy, unique with humour we malaysians can easily identify with. Most importantly, i feel the story lines are real : not too much gloss-over on some sad reality of life and at the same time, there are happy moments that add spice to it.

If too much drama is not your cup of tea (i confess, i felt tired watching so many injustices in the movie at times, that i want to be the director instead. haha), then.. dont watch, Lol. However, the cast of good looking actors and actresses are a bonus for "cuci mata"!

It is also enlightening to see how they prepare various nyonya dishes with care, and realize so many food that i like are in fact nyonya food! I am quite ignorant to that, because my grandma is a pro in cooking them and coming from china, i assume they are aunthentic chinese cuisines.. Ooh, i am impressed with my ahma now. Haha, thinking about her, i have to say she speaks a fluent Iban language, which i am way way behind even though i have got Iban blood in me! *blush, paiseh*

Lessons

2009-01-19T14:42:00.000-08:00

My new year frankly speaking, did not really start off well.

Within less than a month time, i have lost few things precious to me: Bible, laptop still not working and the precious watch which my mommy gave for me to keep when i left home for college years ago.

There are also other things in life that could not be described with words. Difficult situation present itself, that only the heart knows the burden. And only God knows and if fortunate, you get some people that cross your life path that can identify with you.

Sometimes, giving up felt like a great way out. Holding on to the truth of scripture or promise of God's word seem like climbing mountains. A task you doubt can even complete. But its also at difficult time like this that simple things shine so bright and catch your attention, making one feels contented very easily.

A case in point is the things that happen this past week. There was this exam, which i can tell you is the worst i have had. I know i am not the only one who felt that, but for me i guess its just so strange that i got my panic attack and blank mind at the most crucial time. I sat looking at the clock and even after writing, i dont even know what i have written. After that, i got so angry with myself,sad and just miserable. Tried and tried to be upbeat but failed. And this makes me even more frustrated with myself.

Then, i went home and on opening the door, i saw this little parcel sitting there, and i saw my name. A sense of surprise washed over me, and i was instantly overjoyed like a kid seeing her candy. I have got parcels in the past, but this time its different. Because i know HOW diffficult it is to post such a small parcel from home; though small, inside it contains bits of sacrificial love in the form of cakes and cookies. That moment i still felt sad but it did not seem to be that big deal anymore. Something had just been lifted off my shoulder..in an instant.

Looking back, i was also touched by little messages here and there from unexpected places, eg: card, chatting messages and phone calls, that you know could not have happened without God behind them. Friends who take time to encourage despite having their own worries. Those friends are few, but just like gems, once you found them, you are rich. They understand you. Words dont even have to be many, just a simple encouragement, and it has already managed to lift you above the cloud.

That day, the parcel became my teacher. I got to know later that there are many ways that are highly likely to happen, which can prevent the parcel from getting into my hand. But it did arrive, at the right time to have its own purpose. Through this, I am humbled to be cared by a God who already thought of orchestrating a way to cheer me up in my dark times, way before the gloomy moment arrive.

I am sure there are lots of hurdles up ahead for me to face. But one thought that will always encourage me is this: one will never know what is sweet until one has tasted sour.

2009-01-17T01:25:00.001-08:00

2009 - A season of its own.

New year, new dreams and new blog!!

Well, i do have lots of persuasive friends, huh? *wink*. Not easy to get me to switch from xanga to blogspot, after all, i am very sentimental for the things i am familiar with. But then, there is no harm in giving this site a go, seeing that lots of people around me have testified and singing praises about it. And for an amateur blogger like me, i better listen to the "seniors" in this field!=p

New year had always mean we should start kicking ourselves thinking about resolutions we want to achieve. Unlike years before, i didnt give this a thought before last year ended. Not because i forgot, i think its more like i didnt want to. This simply because 2009 seems like a year with lots of uncertainties, that i dread to find out, with student life ends and working life begins. And also adjusting to a new life back home. Sounds paradoxical, right? After all, home..thats where you grow up, what is there to adjust? Sigh, no words can even start to describe this.

But, after attending MCC, God started to move me into thinking that i can still dream of great things to come and look forward to them. And enjoy everybit of my life, walking hand in hand with Him and trust Him who sees the future, instead of straining my neck seeing things too in front of me. =)

So, i have come up with a list of "dreams" that hopefully will come to pass this year. I put them as dreams because i believe God of all dreams will make them real if they are in His will. On the other hand, if dream dont come true, its ok! It is not like its going to be the end of the world.

Ok, here goes SOME of my dreams: (btw, promise me you wont laugh no matter how silly they are!)

#1: *drum rolls*************************************

I want to see another snowing scene please! Amen. Haha, thought i should put this first because winter is slowly passing by and i want to catch the last glimpse of snowy beautiful scene in UK before heading home.

Snow, snow, where are u???????

#2: Try horse riding.

I can still remember what i wrote when i was asked to write what dream i want to see come true one day in the school magazine during Form 5. I put down, erm ...."whisper into the ears of horses". Lol, random stuff i know. Got to be the most absurd among all the entries! But i figured why write something usual, when u can go for something near impossible.

And to me that time, going UK is a dream, and i thought there are sure lots of horses there compared to malaysia. So i put it down, wondering how on earth am i going to see that day.

However, fast forward a few years, the first part of impossibility had already came to pass, so i guess i should start finding the horses to make this dream come true. *grin* erm, after all, its impossible they will suddenly appear in front of you, or will they??

Well, this will do for now at least...

#3: Travel to Italy and France.

Have i told anyone that my ambition last time is to be an archaeologist? I USED to love history a lot, reading about the bygone days with fascination. Blame it partly on watching too much sitcoms eg relic hunter, that makes you think you can discover gold or treasure in ruins. But luckily reality get better hold of me to do pharmacy (or is it?), rather than studying some random rocks under the hot sun! Phew!!

Anyway, Italy is the first top destination i have always wanted to go, being, well.. so historical. haha. But then for some reasons, i have always ended up travelling to another country. Quite frustrating to be frank. However, now i think i know why. I am happy happy to say that i am going to travel to Italy and France this summer with none other than my two dearest brothers!!

Tell you, never ever in my wildest dream had i given this a thought. Until i talked to my older bro one day and he said, "hey, if got time, arrange to go Italy and France for the three of us. We have to go together and have crazy fun times, because three of us had not been taking photos together for a long long time!"

I paused for a moment, and then I was like, "ohyeah, you are right." The last photo we had together was when brother graduated four years ago. That one apart, all others were taken when we were small, like this:

Ohmy, we had grown so much!*gasp, look at the candles!*

That's why i am so looking forward to this trip: To be finally able to eat gelato, pizza, french cuisine, go to vatican, colosseum etc etc, and having two professional photographers with me is definitely a bonus! Yeah yeah. Dear bros, i wont object to be your model, ok?=p